Reality Is...

So...the reality is, it's been quite a minute since I've posted on here. Had to be around August...then stuff got real at work and it seems I never quite got back into the groove of it all.


Some really good and exciting things have been happening in my life. Sometimes when you work so hard for things and toward things, and they don't happen either the way you want them to, or in the time you think they should, you begin to wonder. You wonder things like, maybe they won't happen, maybe they aren't for me, maybe I don't deserve those things. What I'm learning and realizing is that even in my imperfections, I am am awesome person. I could be better in many areas, as a daughter, a sister, a friend, an employee...but overall, I am still awesome. The things that I want in life will come to me at the time they are supposed to. Until then, I will keep striving to be my best, and do my best, and give my best. And as I continue to do that, I'm seeing things fall into place...now that I'm not hunting for them. My accomplishments are growing, and I am proud of myself. I'm finding my happy place...

And the Reality Is...I do deserve it, all of it!


~Veracious Virgo~

Put My Love on Top

Last night I watched the MTV Video Music Awards. My very favorite part was the Beyonce performance. I've always been an average enough fan of hers. I feel that since her and Jay got together, I've become more of a fan. She has has a certain love and glow through her music since then it seems. And it's her happiness and love that is glowing through her.

Her performance last night wasn't so mind boggling and off the charts. It was the emotion that seemed to pour from within her. And I know that so much of that was her being happily pregnant, but she's been so happy for a while.

As I listened to the song, watched her perform, drop that mic, show that baby bump, and Jay's face almost break in 76723423 pieces he was smiling so hard, I couldn't help but wince a tiny bit. Not at their clear PDA that took no touching from them, no looking in each other's eyes, but still it lit up the world that was showing. THAT is what I want.

I want that love that oozes out of your skin minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week, month, year, decade...And not that everything will be perfect and great all the time, because I know that it won't. But that is the love that my soul yearns so deeply for. I am patient and I know that when it's my turn, then it will be  my turn. Until then, I'm patience. I'm probably not as wise as I should be. I don't make all the right choices that I should. But I've never been perfect and I'm not about to become that. But I know that I'm a good woman, and because I know that, I know that my time will come. And that makes is allllll good.

I'm looking forward to the time I can play that song and really feel it the way Beyonce's does! Yessss, Put My Life on Top! Till then.....................................................................................................................

~Veracious Virgo

Strength, Courage, and Wisdom

I've been dealing with a lot the passed week. All at work, as it so often is. But as I wrapped up the night at work tonight, I came across a thought: Strength, Courage, and Wisdom. And the I remembered India.Irie said it best...and these are the words that I must remember, every time the devil comes in and tries to hold me down...cause that thing is alive and real in the flesh...but I refuse to be beat down by someone who is miserable to the very core of their being...to the very calcium in their skeletal structure...to the nucleus of their atomic makeup. No matter what  you try to do or say to me...I have strength, courage, and wisdom...and it's been inside of me all along...

~Veracious Virgo

"Strength, Courage & Wisdom"

Inside my head there lives a dream that I want to see in the sun

Behind my eyes there lives a me that I've been hiding for much too long

'Cause I've been, too afraid to let it show

'Cause I'm scared of the judgment that may follow

Always putting off my living for tomorrow

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face

It's been elusive for so long, but freedom is mine today

I've gotta step out on faith, It's time to show my face

Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

Strength, courage, and wisdom

And it's been inside of me all along,

Strength, courage, and wisdom

Inside of me

Behind my pride there lives a me, that knows humility

Inside my voice there is a soul, and in my soul there is a voice

But I've been, too afraid to make a choice

'Cause I'm scared of the things that I might be missing

Running too fast to stop and listen

It's time to step out on faith, I've gotta show my face

It's been elusive for so long but freedom is mine today

I've gotta step out on faith it's time to show my face

Procrastination had me down but look what I have found, I found

I close my eyes and I think of all the things that I want to see

'Cause I know, now that I've opened up my heart I know that

Anything I want can be, so let it be, so let it be:.

Strength, courage, and wisdom

It's been inside of me all along,

Strength, courage, wisdom

It's been inside of me all along, everyday I'm praying for:

I found it in me, I found it finally

I'm sure to keep it' cause I like it, I say thank you

...too tired

I'm really trying to keep up...but I had such a long day...and I'm simply too tired to write more today.

~Veracious Virgo

If You Don't Want a Scrub...Don't Be a Scrub

So I was talking to a friend today and wildly out of the blue she said, no scrubs. We weren't even talking about guys. It was so random. But it got me to thinking about the TLC song written by Kandi formerly of Xscape. The whole song talked about what kind of man the woman didn't want. Let's take it piece by piece.

A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass


Well...do you think you're fly, while you're over there talking about him? You might be a buster as well. Are your pockets overflowing with wealth, while you're concerned with his cash flow? I'm an old fashioned new age kind of woman, meaning, would I like the guy to ask me out and pay, sure. But you know what, I always come prepared to pay for myself. Also, I feel like if I ask him out, I should be prepared to pay for the date. This is not 1936 anymore. Now if it's discussed and he wishes to pay I won't deny him. But I never EXPECT a man to woo me. And perhaps that's another issue in and of itself. I haven't been in all of these grand deluxe situations where a man has always paid for me, so that's not a lifestyle I'm accustomed to.

I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me


So now what you're saying is, if the guy isn't driving the car, he's not good enough? You can't possibly tell me that you have never carpooled with friends and been a passenger, can you? No. Which means you, as a woman, have been a passenger. So it's ok for you to be a passenger and be sought after, but it's not ok for the man to be a passenger and seek you? That's some ol bull if I've ever heard it. Moving right along...

But a scrub is checkin' me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I'm lookin' like class and he's lookin' like trash
Can't get wit' no deadbeat ass


I'm just wondering...if the scrub is checking you, then what about you is attracting that? Often what we put out in the universe is precisely what it brings to our door step, rings the bell, and smiles in our faces. And how did we discover that he was looking like trash? Furthermore, what made him a deadbeat? Cause he wasn't wearing the latest designer this and that? C'mon son.

If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money


Ok...so. In the times that we live in, yes most people, or rather many people have cars. However, in large cities like NYC, DC, and Atlanta you don't necessarily need a car to get around. In fact, having a vehicle is even more difficult when you have to consider parking in these major cities. Now I'm not saying that I want a guy that doesn't have a car, however, I don't think he can be judged because I see him on foot somewhere. How you know he's not walking to his car? Or that the car isn't in the shop getting something fixed or even detailed.

Now, there will be a guy that lives at home with his momma. And while it doesn't make for great QT in the family room, there are some circumstances that are understandable. What if he just finished college and is looking for a job? I lived at home with my momma when I finished school. Or what if his mom is ill and he is the only one to care for her? What if he is saving money for his own house, something that may not even be on your radar? Just sayin...

Now what I will agree with is, if he has a shorty, but doesn't show love, or in english, if he isn't taking care of a child that he has. That right there is a deal breaker. A long time ago I had this notion that I wouldn't date a guy with a child. When I actually thought about it, I'd already dated dudes who had one or more. And while those situations didn't quite work out for one reason or another, I realized that 2 things were the case: 1- the odds of me finding a man without a child were growing slimmer and slimmer as I got older, and 2- it's not the worst thing in the world. I was always so stuck in the notion of wanting to share that 1st child with him. And I'd still love to. But I'm also not discarding a man because he had a life before me, in which he was blessed with a child. However, if there is a child and he isn't taking care of his responsibilities, then I agree...scrub-City.

Now on to this concept of "wanna get with me with no money." I'm soooo not saying go look for a guy who has no job, no ambition, no anything. What I do think is wrong is to completely disregard a dude who can't buy you a Louis Vuitton today. Stop and think a minute...can you buy you're own? Cause if you can, and you want one, buy it your damn self. Don't wait for a man to go spend all his money on you. That's not love, that's wallet sharing. Now if you're so lucky as to find one who has it like that and wants to give it all to you, then by all means, enjoy it. But this notion of he gotta afford this and that for me when in actuality YOU can't afford it for yourself, is kinda the worst. But again, these are just my thoughts, that I been thinking.

Reciprocity is key in any relationship, love or friendship based. If you're not willing to put into it, then you dare not be looking to receive. Relationships, again love or friendship, are banks. You can only withdraw if you make deposits. They aren't built on credit, on some you give me, aight I'll pay you back later. This is not a loan process, lol.

So when you're thinking about what it is you want in a man/woman...be careful what you're putting out there to be received. Simply put, if you don't want a scrub....don't be a scrub.

~Veracious Virgo

Not so Grateful

Every six months I go to the dentist for a regular check up and a teeth cleaning. I'm always excited to go...IDK call me a geek. But it's just something about that shiny, polished feeling, hearing the hygienist tell me that I take great care of my teeth, all these wonderful compliments. I so love that about going to the dentist.

Today there was a new girl, or at least she was new to me. She was smiley and chatty from the start of mispronouncing my name. Given the fact that I've had this mouth all my life, I'm pretty familiar with it. So for you to say oh wow you have all of your teeth, what the heck is your shock and dismay? Yes. I have them all, even the ones that the dentist has done some surgery on, lol. Did you think when I opened my mouth that half of my teeth would be gone? Would it have made you feel better to know that you made me feel good by cleaning the few teeth I had left? Sorry to burst your bubble sweety. I have them all, and they all mine!

To further decrease my interest in her presence, she wanted to have a conversation. Maam...how do you expect me to carry on a conversation with you? You have tools in my mouth. Every time you ask me a question, you have to stop what you're doing to give me the opportunity, that I don't want in the first place, to answer your question.

To add insult to injury, she was not gentle in the least. It felt as though she was trying to reach my esophagus and clean that too. At the end when she told me I had long roots and it meant I would have my teeth forever, I understood. She was trying to get down beneath my roots. Too damn rough lady!

And when it was all said and done, she covered me in compliments of how well I take care of my teeth. Lady, I'm surprised I have any teeth left after the way to jugged and bulldozed around in my mouth. I am grateful that my teeth  feel great, they are clean and shiny again. But I'm not so grateful that she tried to end my life by reaching for my kidneys through my jaws...not so grateful at all.

~Veracious Virgo

A Little Too Honest

Veracious- habitually speaking the truth; truthful; honest; characterized by truthfulness; true, accurate...




That is me...sometimes I tell too much truth. I've never been public with my emotions, but I realize that as I've gotten older I'm more in touch with them. I guess I should have known when Mrs. Doubtfire came out and I cried when they said he couldn't see his children. Or every time I watch Brown Sugar, I get teary eyed at the same exact part at the end when Sidney is doing the interview and Dre calls in and says "When did you first fall in love with Hip Hop?" and Sid says, "Dre I've loved you since we were 10 years old" (or however old they were). Every single time, they start pouring.




At any rate...I've always been one to hold on to my emotions. I've rarely told a guy I love you first. I don't say anything when my feelings are hurt. I keep it to myself when I'm pissed off. But then when I'm too hurt or too pissed my emotions boil over and there is a mini explosion of tears.




I kinda forgot what the point was that I was making from the beginning. It's very easy for me to tell people the truth about everything no matter what it is. But when it comes to speaking about myself, I tend to keep info to myself. I'm something of a fortress. So as much as I think I like you and could grow to like you even more...I won't tell you, because...honestly, simply, veraciously...I don't want you to hurt my feelings. And it doesn't get anymore honest than that. Perhaps, I've been a little too honest...




~Veracious Virgo