If You Don't Want a Scrub...Don't Be a Scrub

So I was talking to a friend today and wildly out of the blue she said, no scrubs. We weren't even talking about guys. It was so random. But it got me to thinking about the TLC song written by Kandi formerly of Xscape. The whole song talked about what kind of man the woman didn't want. Let's take it piece by piece.

A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly
And is also known as a buster
Always talkin' about what he wants
And just sits on his broke ass


Well...do you think you're fly, while you're over there talking about him? You might be a buster as well. Are your pockets overflowing with wealth, while you're concerned with his cash flow? I'm an old fashioned new age kind of woman, meaning, would I like the guy to ask me out and pay, sure. But you know what, I always come prepared to pay for myself. Also, I feel like if I ask him out, I should be prepared to pay for the date. This is not 1936 anymore. Now if it's discussed and he wishes to pay I won't deny him. But I never EXPECT a man to woo me. And perhaps that's another issue in and of itself. I haven't been in all of these grand deluxe situations where a man has always paid for me, so that's not a lifestyle I'm accustomed to.

I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hanging out the passenger side
Of his best friend's ride
Trying to holler at me


So now what you're saying is, if the guy isn't driving the car, he's not good enough? You can't possibly tell me that you have never carpooled with friends and been a passenger, can you? No. Which means you, as a woman, have been a passenger. So it's ok for you to be a passenger and be sought after, but it's not ok for the man to be a passenger and seek you? That's some ol bull if I've ever heard it. Moving right along...

But a scrub is checkin' me
But his game is kinda weak
And I know that he cannot approach me
Cuz I'm lookin' like class and he's lookin' like trash
Can't get wit' no deadbeat ass


I'm just wondering...if the scrub is checking you, then what about you is attracting that? Often what we put out in the universe is precisely what it brings to our door step, rings the bell, and smiles in our faces. And how did we discover that he was looking like trash? Furthermore, what made him a deadbeat? Cause he wasn't wearing the latest designer this and that? C'mon son.

If you don't have a car and you're walking
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
If you live at home wit' your momma
Oh yes son I'm talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don't show love
Oh yes son I'm talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money


Ok...so. In the times that we live in, yes most people, or rather many people have cars. However, in large cities like NYC, DC, and Atlanta you don't necessarily need a car to get around. In fact, having a vehicle is even more difficult when you have to consider parking in these major cities. Now I'm not saying that I want a guy that doesn't have a car, however, I don't think he can be judged because I see him on foot somewhere. How you know he's not walking to his car? Or that the car isn't in the shop getting something fixed or even detailed.

Now, there will be a guy that lives at home with his momma. And while it doesn't make for great QT in the family room, there are some circumstances that are understandable. What if he just finished college and is looking for a job? I lived at home with my momma when I finished school. Or what if his mom is ill and he is the only one to care for her? What if he is saving money for his own house, something that may not even be on your radar? Just sayin...

Now what I will agree with is, if he has a shorty, but doesn't show love, or in english, if he isn't taking care of a child that he has. That right there is a deal breaker. A long time ago I had this notion that I wouldn't date a guy with a child. When I actually thought about it, I'd already dated dudes who had one or more. And while those situations didn't quite work out for one reason or another, I realized that 2 things were the case: 1- the odds of me finding a man without a child were growing slimmer and slimmer as I got older, and 2- it's not the worst thing in the world. I was always so stuck in the notion of wanting to share that 1st child with him. And I'd still love to. But I'm also not discarding a man because he had a life before me, in which he was blessed with a child. However, if there is a child and he isn't taking care of his responsibilities, then I agree...scrub-City.

Now on to this concept of "wanna get with me with no money." I'm soooo not saying go look for a guy who has no job, no ambition, no anything. What I do think is wrong is to completely disregard a dude who can't buy you a Louis Vuitton today. Stop and think a minute...can you buy you're own? Cause if you can, and you want one, buy it your damn self. Don't wait for a man to go spend all his money on you. That's not love, that's wallet sharing. Now if you're so lucky as to find one who has it like that and wants to give it all to you, then by all means, enjoy it. But this notion of he gotta afford this and that for me when in actuality YOU can't afford it for yourself, is kinda the worst. But again, these are just my thoughts, that I been thinking.

Reciprocity is key in any relationship, love or friendship based. If you're not willing to put into it, then you dare not be looking to receive. Relationships, again love or friendship, are banks. You can only withdraw if you make deposits. They aren't built on credit, on some you give me, aight I'll pay you back later. This is not a loan process, lol.

So when you're thinking about what it is you want in a man/woman...be careful what you're putting out there to be received. Simply put, if you don't want a scrub....don't be a scrub.

~Veracious Virgo